I have enjoyed watching the birds outside for the last several days. I am not a bird watcher, but have been fascinated by their behavior lately, and it made me consider my own.
We usually bring home leftover communion bread from church every week. If you're not familiar with communion, it is the taking of bread (symbolizing the body of Christ broken on the cross) and juice (symbolizing the blood shed) in remembrance and thanks of Jesus' sacrifice for our salvation. Both are blessed by the pastors (priests, etc) and served to the congregation. Having been blessed and representing the body of Christ, it cannot be thrown away- both the bread and juice must be returned to nature. When Erik brings the bread home after church, if it has been partially used for the communion sacrament, we throw it out for the birds.
I had thrown out almost an entire loaf one morning, and within minutes we had a dozen birds in our tiny back yard, eagerly devouring the morsels I had put out. They were so happy and singing, and it made me wonder if they knew what they were eating. Did they know they it was the body of Christ? As the boys and I watched, it made me stop and think if I did the same. Do I spend my day watching and waiting for Christ? Do I sit down and eagerly devour His word? The scripture that came to mind was Matthew 4:4 (Deuteronomy 8:3), "Man must not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God."
I have been searching and praying lately that God reveal what it is I am to be doing for him. I look around me and see so many people my age who have amazing talents, fabulous jobs, are incredible mothers, and I can't help but feel like I've missed something. And then I remember that I am in a year of nothing...nothing for myself, but all for others. It is so easy for me to sit idle and wait for God to come to me. That's not how he works. We cannot know him unless we actively seek and search for him.
So I will continue to meditate on where it is he needs me, and I think I know. My desire is to be like the birds- to seek him enthusiastically, to wait and watch eagerly for him, to devour his word- I will pray the same for you.
We cannot live on bread alone, we must seek God and know Him through his son, Jesus Christ.
This week has been a battle! No matter where I have looked, however, I have witnessed and experienced
pure joy
- and trust me, this week has had it bumps!
My husband and I were both involved in collisions this week. Thankfully, no involved parties were injured. A year ago, it would have ruined my week. "I can't believe this happened to me! I can't believe I have to deal with these people and the insurance company! I can't believe my husband's car has damage and now we are going to have to get it fixed. I can't believe our premiums are going up!" Me, me, me, I, I, I...
I realized Tuesday night, after all of this had happened, that I was smiling and laughing about it all. Of course I understand the seriousness of the situation, but I also realized very quickly that it could have been much worse. My family was safe, we were talking and breathing and laughing, and for that, I am so thankful.
I also have noticed how happy my youngest son (6 months old) has been. He is teething, congested, and has fairly severe eczema that can appear very painful. I get the sniffles and I am whiny, but he is so happy and content nearly all of the time. It reminds me of a verse that we have listened to on one of my son's school CD's this week..."Give thanks in all circumstances. For this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I Thes. 5:18. Despite all of our problems, or having two wrecks, or how we feel, we are told to give thanks.
I had previously talked about beginning to teach Samuel, a young man from Uganda who has recently been adopted by a friend. I have had the pleasure of teaching him two days this week, and that child is nothing but smiles! His favorite song..."Don't Worry, Be Happy!" Knowing a little bit about the child's background, if anyone has the right to complain, or worry, or be angry, it is Samuel. Every time you look at him, though, he is smiling and laughing and so thankful for everything he has. He tells his family, "No complaining!" WOW, if that is not convicting to we Americans, who have everything and thus, complain about everything! My favorite thing about Samuel is watching him dance. I am white, as white as they come, and cannot dance whatsoever, so I am taken by anyone with rhythm. I played our Bob Marley and the Wailers CD while he and Ephraim were eating lunch, and I look up to see Samuel dancing and trying to teach Ephraim to do the same, both of them smiling from ear to ear. That much joy was contagious.
As I move through the year of nothing, I am finding that materialism and joy are indirectly proportional. I am far from literally having nothing, but have had to give up some "luxuries" and be more content with what I have, only to find that my level of joy has greatly increased. I am reading a book my Adam Hamilton titled 24 Hours That Changed the World. Its focus is the last 24 hours of the life of Jesus leading up to the crucifixion. If you are not familiar with the story of the crucifixion, the books of the gospel (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) paint a picture of unimaginable torture, humiliation, and isolation both physically and spiritually. Yet, with sacrificial love, Christ refused offers of myrrh (a known pain reducer), in order to fully take on the pain of humanity, understanding his purpose as the Son of Man and the sacrifice for a hurting world.
There is no record of smiling and laughing- the pain was undoubtedly unbearable- but some of his last words were those of the promise of a new life to the man hanging on the cross next to him, saying, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise." (Luke 23:43). Adam Hamilton says in chapter five of his book, "[Jesus] has set an example for us of a kind of love that alone has the power to save humanity..." Have you ever tried to love without joy? The two are inseparable, for God is the embodiment of both (I John 4:8, Luke 10:21, Ps. 43:4). You might not believe in Christ as more than a mere man or prophet, but you cannot escape the fact that he willingly gave of himself for what he believed was a divine purpose.
So, I have learned that
With little, there is much.
My challenge for you is to find joy where you are, and my prayer for you is that you find that joy through the love of Jesus Christ!
It has been a long while since I have felt inspired enough to share more about my year of nothing, so I will catch you up on some things that are new in my life.
First, and foremost, I am now a stay-at-home mom.
After almost eleven years of teaching math, science, and music to Kindergartners through Seniors, I have traded in the Teacher title for Mom. I still teach, as I teach my Kindergartner at home, and I tutor some, but I am, for the most part, just Mom.
Second, I am a full-time wife.
It seems that this is a reiteration of the first, but I understand them very differently. If you remember the beginning of my blog, this was to be a year of obedience to Christ which began with obedience to my husband. [I know that the term submission makes some of you squirm in your seat, but in my view this is my way of honoring God...through honoring and supporting my husband as he honors God.] So I finally quit my job to stay at home, but the majority of my acceptance of that is because I knew I needed to fill in the gaps at home that Erik has not had time to fill. The house needed to be fairly clean, the clothes should be washed (and ironed, but that has yet to get done)- basically he should be able to focus on work, and when he comes home he should be able to focus on his family. For those of you who aren't into the pearls-and-heels imagery, keep in mind that there are weeks that Erik works 80 hours, and he is currently working a part-time job on top of his full-time position at the church. And besides, I don't own a string of pearls :)
Third, I am so excited to have the opportunity to home-school a child from Uganda.
This is one of the most amazing stories that I have ever heard, and I am so excited that I get to be a part of it, albeit a small part. This truly is a testimony to how great God is and that he still works miracles today. Here is the link to Samuel's story. I promise you cannot watch it without being moved.
http://vimeo.com/17950987
I have been trying to use my time at home to refocus on my relationship with Christ. For so long, I have struggled with finding time to read the Bible, knowing the whole time that my relationship can't improve if I am not seeking him and spending time in the Word. So I have resolved to begin by reading the book of Acts, and am taken by how the apostles gave themselves wholly over to Christ without hesitation or reservation. They knew their calling and their mission, and were fearless. I got to thinking that I have no idea what my calling is or what my mission is. What am I uniquely designed for, and where is my mission field?
So I prayed that the Lord would reveal to me where I was needed and to give me passion for something like he gave the apostles. That evening, I got a call from my friend Angie, who was interested in finding a part-time teacher for Samuel. If you have taken the time to watch the video, you will know this is no small task. Not because Samuel is difficult, but because he is marked for the Kingdom! I was so excited to be a part of this child's story, and ultimately the Lord's great calling for him! This is my mission right now. And the most amazing part- my mission field is my home, right where the Lord has placed me. I will start teaching him next week.
I am so humbled to know how much God loves me and how he listens intently to the cries of his children. I forget that, and sometimes find myself doubting that he hears me at all. Then I remember that his Word is inerrant, and it says that I am his friend and he knows me intimately, down to the last hair on my head. If he knows that, he certainly knows my needs and hears my cries. Nothing is too small or too great for my God!
